Birth Anniversary

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Soundtrack: Dewi Lestari - Selamat Ulang Tahun

Its 2.09, and its two hours way past my birthday. It was the kind of birthday that I liked. Not much fuss, just wishes going around. Yep, I'm not the type who appreciates getting pranked at my birthday, I'm the type who likes to be surrounded by my friends and people who love me on this day. I don't even mind if i don't get presents.

I think birthdays are actually sad, because birthdays are like giant countdowns towards death. And the picture of being surrounded by your friends during your birthday isn't any different with the situation during your funeral, only then, you'd be surrounded by sad faces, instead of the happy ones you get to see.

This year I'm turning 22, and I Look back to how I was when I was 21. I compare myself. My friend Muhammad Budi said, "I hope you're not getting older, I hope you're getting better." Or something like that.

And those words ring the utmost truth.

Birthdays are days created not as a reason to party, but to reflect. Now I'm alone in my room, I realized that I have lived more than two decades in this world without leaving any trace of significance. By 22, Gandhi has 3 kids, Mozart had 30 symphonies, and my mom got married.

Now I'm 22. What are my achievements? I still get allowance from my parents, I have not saved anybody's life, and what do I leave behind if I die this very instance?

I am a fragment of insignificance in a universe so vast that i become smaller than bacteria, or even smaller than mycoplasma genitalium, the smallest organism capable of independent growth (found in primate's genitals, but thats not the point).

And these are the things I should be thinking of on this day, but no. Instead, I think about a single birthday wish I've been waiting for the whole day, since I realized that today was my birthday. The birthday wish that would certainly make today a special one, coz he would be speaking to me, or better yet, realize my existence.

Now the hour has passed, and the time-frame has expired for this birthday wish to be special. And I'm back to feeling like that mycoplasma genitalium, too small to look at, too small to notice. And who is to blame, but me who can only love in silence, with lips sealed, and stone-cold expressions when ever that person is in a 100m radius, acting like I don't give a damn.

Oh well, maybe my luck will change on my 23rd birthday? We'll see.

Till next year.

Ciao

PS: Thanks for the wishes.