i'm still alive, folks

Ola guys!

Okay, i've been hiatus for a while coz i went to Bandung, whoohoo!
I just got back yesterday night.

Now, since my grandma and auntie from Pontianak came to visit my family in Jakarta, we all decided to go to Taman Safari today!

I woke up at the crack of dawn, and im supposed to be taking a shower now, but, hehehhee, i just need to go online first coz results are out!

And shockingly, with my really really bad effort in studying last sem, i managed to scrape a GPA of 3.52!!!

No intention to brag. I'm just simply2 amazed.

Wow, all that time i shud've been studying, but i was reading the Twilight saga instead. Maybe Edward makes my mind sharper. Hmmm..

Ooh, by the way, im almost done with the Edward craze, but now im fanatic about Taylor Lautner [the guy who plays Jacob Black in Twilight]!

omg, allow me to be a simple girl with hormones and say, "Daaamn, he's HAAAAAWWWTT!! Ayaayayayayayyaa~"

Hahahaha.

Dats all for now, i'll post up some of my activities in Indonesia later.

ciao ya'll.

edward.robert.edward

In the comfort of home, i still cant seem to relax. I feel anxious, i feel incomplete. I realized after a while, this is how Bella felt when Edward went missing for a couple of days.

If you guys are wondering, the "Edward" and "Bella" who i'm talking about is indeed the hero and heroine of the phenomenal book, Twilight.

Yes, alas, i have also been sucked into the Twilight craze. I have entered the twilight zone, and i'm getting to a point where i am absolutely obsessed with Edward Cullen! - like any other normal chick with hormones do.

Ah, Edward.

Single people like me should be forbidden to read the book, since we tend to set a standard that the perfect man would be Edward Cullen.

I refuse to believe that Edward is fiction! No! Nooooooo!!

Isn't he yummy?

I think Robert Pattinson did justice to Edward's character in the movie. He is just so so so so hot, looking at him is making me stupid.

Aaah, Edwaaaaarrd!!

I'm so obsessed with Edward/Robert that the only song i play in my mp3 is Robert's song, Never Think - where you can hear it from the sidebar - which is also a Twilight Soundtrack.

I watch all his interviews in YouTube.

I buy every magazine that has him in it, eventhough its only a tiny2 picture of him.

I browse Google and Yahoo! everyday to look for new pictures of him.

I become a frequent visitor of robertpattinson.org and bellaandedward.net.

Huffff...
Now he's done it.
I'm going to be stuck being single now.
Shoot.
Damn you Edward Cullen!!

Because of him i adopted the messy-i-don't-wash-my-hair hairdo, and now i think dandruff is cool - i kno, gross. Ahh, but love is illogical sometimes.

Because of him, my music is now influenced by the blues.

Because of him, now i'm revisiting my days in London where my accent was quite Brittish back then.

Because of him, now i say "brilliant" instead of "cool".

Because of him, every night when i sleep, i look at my open window and hope that he will come and visit - but not here in Jakarta, since i used AC all nite.

Sigh.

Edward.

Sigh.

why am i not excited to come home?

I'm coming home.

I should be happy and jumping with joy rite now, but i've barely even finished packing yet. As if i don't want to prepare coming home.

I'm just so drained, all the life force in me evaporated since new years. I'm burnt.

I hope meeting my family can put back some life in me again.

I'm expecting some projects during my holiday, all the work i have to prepare.

• The ISS drama.
• Maybe i'm gonna learn how to use the sewing machine - i'm planning on improving my skills on manipulating a boring old t-shirt.
• I'm planning on exercising a lot, to increase my metabolism, so at least i can feel my heart beating.
• I'm planning on getting a new haircut, and having a day at the spa for some good ol' pampering.
• I'm planning on meeting some friends who i love and miss, but not badly enuf to go to the airport rite now, just so i can be a few inches closer to home.

I'm planning on healing.

I dunno what i have to heal, but there must be something wrong with me.

Huff, i'm just so mellow.

So see ya guys, i'm not sure if i can log on much in jakarta, but i'll try.

I wish edward cullen appeared in front of my eyes, then maybe i can get a little excited - or too excited - about life again.

Wish me a safe flight!

I'm having dinner in Jakarta tonight.



ciao

it happened a year ago

So, finals are over. yay!

I had an idea to write about the blissful feeling of realizing that exams are finished, but today im just so stoned and mellow. What happens when i get mellow?

I take the guitar and sing.

Then i decided to record one of my old songs, it was written on 26/01/08, almost a year ago.


Story behind it

Sitting by my window, alone. Thinking of decisions i have to make. As a daughter and as a.. a... - do i hav to say it? - lover. ew ew.

Long story short, i had to make a decision of staying with my boyfriend and disappoint my parents, or stop being such a selfish child and break-up. I chose to quit being a selfish child, coz my parents are the most wonderful parents dat don't deserve to be disappointed.

Listening to the crickets while absent-mindedly playing melodies on my guitar, thinking of heartbreaks that i will be facing, i wanted to calm myself. So i started to say, "i'll be fine, i'll be fine," like a silly old chant.

And then it morphed into a song.

Click here to listen.


The lyrics:

Someday by Miri Amee (an original song)

Chain-smoking to the sounds of crickets in the night
Its so calm yet so disturbing in my mind
I don't know why i'm feeling so tragic
I guess it's my fault for being a romantic

And corners of my bedroom remind me of you
I realize it's gonna be hard to get over you
I'm a wreck now but don't worry

Chorus:
I'll be fine, i'll be fine although i'm crying now
It's alright, i'll stand and fight and wipe my tears away
I'll be fine, i'll be okay although i'm dying now
It's a phase, i know i'll smile again someday
Someday

So i looked outside to find the sun is hiding
Don't know how long i've been blanketed by the shadow
Though i'm starting to find my life among the clutter
But all this heartache is just leaving me mellow


Yeah, so dats pretty much it. I dunno why i'm uploading this song, or even recording it in the first place. I guess i realize that some of my friends are going through the same things, aren't we buddies?

So i guess this song is dedicated to you guys.
You'll be fine, don't worry.

Lets just pray i can find a proper vocalist to sing my songs next time, eheuehueheue. No need to point out how off-key i sing, I KNOW. I have ears. It's kinda hard to find someone to sing at this unGodly hour. Just try to relate to it, kay??

I want comments!
Hueheuehue.

And okay, i decided to put the link to the song "love like ours" back. Sheesh. I took it away coz my friend said i sound drunk. I was gonna totally say, "Nooo, i do not sound drunk!"

But then i listened again. Yeah, my voice DID sound too pitchy and the words were slurry. I guess i was drunk. Hueheue, anyway, you guys can go here, or go back to the previous post to get linked to the song. Enjoy - at the expense of my shame.

the fruits of stress

So i should be studying for my FINAL final exam, but instead i started the day, waking early and dashing to the monitor to resume reading one of the Twilight books, Eclipse.

Which is totally un-putdown-able.

Not recommended for those who has some other important stuff to do, like, uh, studying maybe?

Anyway, now its 3am, and my test starts at 9am. I'm wide awake - thanks to a puny can of caffein - and i haven't even started studying yet!

This is a recipe for disaster.

But i still remain productive, because i managed to write a song! In one hour, and immediately recorded.

Hope you like it. Its very rough.

*after 30 minutes*

Shoot! Why cant i upload it here?? Anyone know what i did wrong?

Anyway, feel free to listen it from this link.

*after being slightly sober, i decided to disable this link. its just too embarrassing, sorry. hehehe. [Added at 8.20am]

** okay, fine! i put the link back, eheuehuee. i hope you guys aren't disappointed :P [aded sunday 4.50 a.m]



This song is inspired by the influence of Twilight stories and - unfortunately - my pitiful love experience.

Its about love that used to be a part of you, but now its just dead. Leaving a gaping hole.


The lyrics:

Love like ours by Miri Amee (an original song)

If it was a house
It'll be made out of stone
But covered in moss
Like the memories we lost

And the weather
Will crumble the walls
And sooner or later
It'll all be gone

'Coz a love like ours
Now empty and abandoned
Can only withhold for so long
And a love like ours
Can be beautiful if reserved
Too bad it was never taken care of

If it was a tree
No branches and leaves
No blooming flowers
Not even green

And no birds will nest and sing
And thunder will clash
And burn it to ash

Coz a love like ours
That used to be natural
Now feels so distant and unfamiliar
And a love like ours
That used to be graceful
Too bad now we're eager
To erase it all


Be easy on the comments okay, hehehe. Coz i recorded it on a half-stoned state, and in a room where my dear roomie, Rara, was sleeping like a rock.

I think i choked somewhere in the song. Hehehehhe.

But please comment!

Tell me, can you relate?

xerox-phobia

The most recent adventure that i had was the quest to photocopy materials for finals. I kno, finals are at monday, and i just started preparing now? Well, better late than never.

Anyway, i woke up at 1pm, but i manage to put off studying until 6pm. What a waste of time. I just sat and ate and watched a movie and bathed and opened youtube and watch Britney's new video, Circus - which i totally love the song, btw.

So, i went out of the house at 6pm-ish, and walked to campus to get a book that i was gonna copy. The copy shop at Cyberia was closed, so i figured i can go to the one at hostel.

The hostel copy shop was also closed.

I was just about to give up, when i met my friend Meme & Ida - they're and item - and they were really nice enuf to take me to Street Mall.

Arrived at Street Mall, both copy shops were closed. Went accross to 7eleven, and this is where the funny thing happened.

There were two shops next to each other, one is 7eleven, one is a non-descript mini market which the name i couldn't read. So i went to the non-descript one.

Me: "Bang, nak photostat."
Abang: "Mesin rosak, dek."

Bummer, the machine is dead. So i went to 7eleven.

Me: "Bang, boleh photostat tak?"
Abang: "Boleh2."

Chaching! Hurrah! I'm saved!

Abang: "Tapi paper habis dek."

OMG, can u believe my luck???? So i asked if i could buy one rim of paper and then he copies it on his machine, but he said:

Abang: "Boleh lah dek, tapi selembar tetap 20 sen. Double-side 40 sen."
Me: "&#^@%#^#!!!!!!"


I was gonna copy a book, so how much wud dat cost??? Plus i had to provide the paper myslef, which costs RM10!! Uurrghhh. I totally ditto-ed dat shop.

Okay, so i still havn't copied anything, i havn't prepared for anything, my finals start on Monday, ends at Friday.

Dear God, help me.

Motivation, where art thou??

choices and consequencess

What am i doing here?

In between the hectic "cram" study that i do during study week, there is always a moment where i just lose it.

What the hell am i reading? What is all this crap? Why did i take accounting in the first place? Because of my parents? Because it is an in-demand skill? Or is it because there is a bigger opportunity to get as much money as i can??

Well, yes, I AM doing this for the money, but it doesn't mean that i love it!

Do i want to be an accountant? The answer: NO.

Or do i?

I can't imagine myself in the real world, taking care of other ppl's accounts - i do my own accounts actually, keeping track of all my spending and all. I kno, its sick.

Do i want to do that corporate climbing thing?? Uh, i'm not sure if i can endure it! I'm not exactly that ambitious.

I kept going over my dreams in high school. Back then, i really didn't want to enroll to any major that has business or management in it.

My father gave me freedom, but he kinda did push me into this direction, being a bank manager himself.

I remember my mother's reaction when i said wanted to be a teacher. Not so good.

I remember the chance i didn't take when i could've studied physics instead. I was already accepted in a good government university in Bandung, but instead, i came to Malaysia and studied Accounting, the most boring major i can imagine.

Initially i wanted to take engineering, but i switched to management. Initially i wanted to take Human Resource Management but i took Accounting instead. See how far i strayed from the path of my dreams??

I remember a talk i had with my father in my favorite Japanese restaurant in Bandung. I told him that if i don't become a teacher, i want to be a microbiologist and study about the environment. I want to become a scientist like the cool ones you see in movies like Independence Day or Day After Tomorrow - notice how the smart people mostly ends up to be the one who survives?

But my father said something, "Do you want to be the scientist who takes orders and work in laboratories or do you want to be the rich entrepreneur who has the power to make change? Do you want to do the change or have the power to make it happen?"

Money brings power.

I chose money. Thus, i chose accounting.

The consequences? I don't love what i do. And especially during exam times like this, i always reach a point where i practically scream:

What am i doing here??